Smoke Big John's Fatties
How to win at MONOPOLY
Big John was a marijuana farmer with a mind for business. From his humble beginnings, he was able to navigate larger and larger deals until he made a small fortune.
And then his business really started to grow.
This was primarily due to his connection with a small group of very wealthy and powerful individuals.
They didn’t share any innovative or radical techniques with him. They didn’t reveal any production or distribution secrets. They simply helped him to follow in the well worn tracks of those who had come before him.
In particular, he was advised to follow the example of John D. Rockefeller.
So he did. The first thing he did was to create the “Big John Foundation for Relaxation and Recreation.” Through his various “charitable activities” he was able to channel massive amounts of money into projects that grew his herbal empire.
These contributions were a tax deductible means to open up new markets and to influence public thought about his image and product. Over the years and through the many branches of his foundation, his social status shifted from that of a “successful drug dealer”, to “highly motivated entrepreneur”, and finally, “benevolent, philanthropic pillar of society”.
Big John built community parks. He built houses for the homeless. He paid for buildings on school and university campuses.
His media/propaganda team was never far away, documenting his various “benevolent” activities. These video clips and print pieces always showed him with a kind smile as he liberally passed out joints to students on college campuses, or applied CBD ointments to victims of various ailments at hospitals strategically chosen to provide him maximum exposure.
The Big John Foundation was very involved with the marijuana regulatory boards. He made a massive grant of 10 billion dollars to the MRI - The Marijuana Research Initiative - the leading research and development organization that ensured safety and quality of herbal smokables.
Big John funded research and patents, and was connected, in some way, to nearly every major player or organization in the marijuana industry. He also made large donations to the campaigns of various politicians and was regularly seen rubbing elbows with powerful politicians and business titans.
Perhaps most importantly, he was deeply connected to the major media outlets around the world through massive donations to television networks, internet news organizations, and even specific journalists in key regions around the globe. He bought several small newspapers and TV stations outright, and also purchased more through various proxies that he funded off the books.
Finally, after years of careful preparation, it was time for Big John to make his global move. The groundwork had been laid. The new strain his R & D people had been working on was ready for release.
The ad campaigns ran on every TV channel, played before every streamed video, and were visible on every social media page.
“BIG JOHN’S FATTIES - BEST HERB FOR YOUR HEAD”
The commercials were short, visually dazzling, and fun. The ads blanketed global media.
The years of patient preparation - the networking, the bribery, the coercion, the back-room deals - were about to pay off.
Big John was invited onto every news program in the nation. He was interviewed on talk shows. He was interviewed by late night celebrities. He was interviewed by the most famous podcasters on the internet.
The people whose careers he had funded for a decade, the media outlets who he had been buying buildings and equipment for for the past 10 years, all responded with complete loyalty and devotion.
“We are so happy to be joined by Big John today! Pioneer farmer, researcher, and general beacon of goodness on the planet…. Thank you for being here Big John! What can you tell us about your new line of herb?”
“Well,” Big John smiled widely, “There has never been a more smooth smoking, more euphoria inducing, longer lasting strain of marijuana than Big John’s Fatties. We have spent decades to un-crack the code, and create the perfect marijuana strain. And… we have finally done it. There is no need to smoke any other marijuana ever again. Big Johns Fatties is the only smokable you will ever need!”
“Amazing!” Said CNM correspondent Anderson Pooper. “And there you have it. No need to buy, grow, or smoke any other marijuana product ever again. Smoke Big John’s Fatties. Thank you so much for joining us today Big John!”
And so it went, interview after interview. Scientists on Big John’s payroll came forward with dazzling computer generated models, charts, and graphs, that explained “the science” of why Big Johns Fatties were chemically superior in every way to all other strains of marijuana.
A Big John’s Fatties Wing was established at 30 of the top universities in the country. Each building an amazing feat of elegant, high-tech architecture, equipped with cutting edge equipment and machinery.
Television and the internet was filled with testimony from people of all walks of life:
“Now I can finally relax after work…. Now I can sleep at night…. This is amazing for my glaucoma…. I have my appetite back!…. This CBD cream helps my wounds heal faster, scars go way…..”
On the other side of the fence, there were quite a few people who came forward and saying,
“I smoked Big Johns Fatties and a regular joint - and frankly - I couldn’t tell the difference”.
But Big John’s friends in the establishment media ignored all of these claims. Comments that were not supportive of his product were simply never mentioned on mainstream news and entertainment channels.
And after his millions in legitimate, and off the books, contributions to Smoogle, Faceplant and GooTube, any social media accounts that posted information with a negative view of his product were taken down due to “violations of community standards and guidelines”.
No explanation was ever provided as to what those violations were.
The large social media platforms were able to provide censorship services for Big John through various artificial intelligence means and computer programs targeting key-words.
But just to make sure that the public wasn’t exposed to “false information”, Big John also made four separate, billion dollar grants to the three biggest tech companies, covering the salaries of 20,000 new “fact checkers” at Smoogle, Faceplant, and GooTube.
These fact checkers, along with the censorship algorithms already in place, were able effectively silence any criticism of his products.
And so, Big John profited massively.
He had not only won at MONOPOLY, he had taken the definition of the word to a new level.
Things were going very well indeed until he turned on the news one day to see…
...the wormy tech nerd that no one had ever liked was on television. The one that oozed insincerity and selfishness. In fact he was being interviewed on every TV station.
The guy who had been trying to reduce the global population for the past decade was now saying that every single person on the entire globe needed to receive his shot, his “experimental gene therapy”.
He said that this shot was perfectly safe, but that he, and all of his business affiliates, had zero liability for any adverse effects; including paralysis, seizures, and death.
He explained to the interviewer,
“Every single person on planet Earth will need to receive one of these shots”.
Big John stared at the screen in disbelief. He had been able to use his vast wealth and skills of deception to create a monopoly on the marijuana market. But that market was still a small percentage of the global population.
This guy, was using the same tactics to create a monopoly that involved every single person on the planet!
Big John fell back in his chair, dazed and deflated.
Beaten at his own game, he continued to stare at the screen.
Anderson Pooper of CNM News warmly thanked his guest for appearing on his program and smiled widely saying,
“Thank you so much for your generosity and all the work you do to make the world a better place!”
A devilish smile appeared on the lips of Mr. Shrill Back-Gate, as he replied,
“I’m just glad to help”.